


Death to the Apple

by removedhergrace



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack Fic, Drapple, F/M, do you remember when drapple was a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-04
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-23 16:22:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/624160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/removedhergrace/pseuds/removedhergrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione plots revenge against an ex of Draco's who forces its way back into his life. D/Hr. Warning: mutilation of apples. Don't like..don't read. Intense torture and violence.<br/>(this is actually the such a crack fic...go crazy)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death to the Apple

**Author's Note:**

> When drapple was a crack ship on Tumblr last year I wrote this. So yeah. Here ya go.  
> -Lexi

~~~  
A hand moved through Hermione's hair, pushing it back so that her face could be seen. Draco dipped his head down and kissed her on the forehead, on each cheek, and then finally on her lips.

"I'm off to work, love. Be home in a few hours, and we'll do something then, yea?"

Hermione nodded slowly, her mind still fogged with sleep. Draco planted one last kiss on her forehead and then left the room. She heard his footsteps take him through the kitchen and into the living room where the fireplace was located. With a shout of "Ministry of Magic" and the roar of the floo, he was gone.

It was only then that Hermione acted. She pulled herself out of the black silk sheets and threw on one of Draco's shirt over her otherwise topless body. The flat was rather warm though, so it was all the clothing she needed for the moment. She slipped out of their bedroom and walked across the hall into the kitchen.

Hermione surveyed the room, looking for some unidentified object, but obviously she did not see it, for she continued into the smaller room that housed their table where they entertained dinner company. It was there that she saw it.

Sitting in the middle of the table, looking as if it didn't have a care in the world, was the Apple.

Hermione narrowed her eyes as she assessed the situation. Draco may or may not have seen the intruder as he passed the room on his way to work, but if he had, he hadn't done anything about Apple's sudden appearance.

She knew that Draco had been hesitant to let go of his old friend, but in the end he had done it for her. Their relationship meant more than Apple ever had to him, he had made that perfectly clear. And yet Apple still continued to appear around their flat, disturbing the peace and taunting Hermione in every spare moment that Draco wasn't around.

The last time it had appeared Hermione had made up her mind. When Draco went into the Ministry for work the next Sunday, a day she had off, she would corner Apple and then remove it from the picture for good. Draco would have no complaints. He had already stated that Apple had become a bit too needy and that he was glad he had ended their relationship.

Now, the only obstacle left in her way was deciding on the proper method of "removal". Simply leaving Apple somewhere would result in it venturing back at some point.

No, Hermione needed a much more permanent way to be rid of Apple. An idea flashed in her mind, slowly growing into a plan which made her unleash an evil laugh in Apple's direction.

She quickly snatched the offending fruit up from the table and turned back to the kitchen.

Putting the apple down on the granite counter top, she moved towards the cabinets, pulling out various items as she looked for her desired objects. Finding exactly what she was looking for, she turned back to Apple, who hadn't moved an inch. Hermione picked Apple up and brought it to the nearby sink. Washing it off with a bit of water, she produced an apple peeler from behind her back.

"Teach you to follow around my boyfriend," she muttered. "I'll make sure you never show your skin in my sight ever again..."  
And with that she lowered the peeler to Apple's green skin, applied a bit of pressure, and pulled the peeler towards her. Ripping off a bit of skin, she moved the peeler and repeated her motions until Apple no longer bore one bit of its skin. As she worked she imagined tiny shrieks of pain as the peeler bit down again and again.

Next, she grabbed a long butchering knife from a rack next to the skin. Placing the now naked Apple onto the nearest cutting board, she brought the tip of the knife to the top of it.

"Any last words," she whispered? "No...good."

She sunk the knife into Apple, relishing one last imaginary scream before slicing all the way down, diving Apple into two halves. Hermione then split those halves into quarters, and those quarters into eights. Satisfied with her work, she grabbed a small plate and a bit of cover-wrap, and sealed the pieces of the dead Apple onto a small plate, which went into the refrigerator.

Hermione washed off the knife, the peeler, and the cutting board, and then moved over to the living room to read the day's Prophet until Draco came home.

And when he did, she would serve him a very tasty snack of freshly cut green apple.  
~~~

**Author's Note:**

> Hope that was enjoyable. Thanks for reading!!!


End file.
